A Billion MPH

So when i sit down at this computer screen, i start scrolling through my play lists, im trynna find the perfect song to play that will maybe get my thoughts goin and i just cant seem to come up with anything. But the crazy part is my mind is going a billion miles per hour, and i cant seem to make sense of anything that Im thinkin about.....

These past few weeks have flown by so fast with very little sleep and alot of tossing and turning. There has been a lot of wakin up and I just find myself staring at the ceiling...THINKING. Im thinking about everything but SLEEPing.

But there is this person that I always end up thinking about, but then there is this other person that i am thinking about, and then there is another thing that im thinking about that leads me back to thinking about a person,And the annoying cirlce just keeps goin round and round. I dont know how to make these kinda nights stop.

Its really starting to feel like i have beens leeping at night all, and its really just getting old.I wake up feeling so unrested, grumpy, moody, and my body is starting to ache. I keep thinking that maybe i need some affection from another body and that will make me feel soo much better then I do, but then I start thinkin that maybe Im lookin for a quick fix, when i know that what ive been feelin for a month cant be fixed just by a single touch from a certain person.

Maybe what I need to do, is start digging deeper into my thoughts, and figure out what my main frustration is.I need to start writing down every emotion that comes to mind, every dream I wake up from, and so on.Im gonna try my best but i certainly need to get to the bottom of these restless nights and these constant thoughts that im always having. Because if I dont, I know that im gonna end up driving myself crazy!!! This might be hard when my mind is running a 1 Billion MPH

All I want

When i close my eyes at night,I see your face

When I open them you seem to disappear

Late at night i long to just feel u breathing down my neck

early in the morning i long to wake up on you chest

before i get up i just wanna hear ur sweetface say Goodmorning

but yet it seems like the things that i want,

You make me wait for...

Why?? Why do you do that to me??

When all i wanna do is love...

I wanna make you mine..

I wanna be your everything..

You say your unsure

But of what, you have explained it to me

But how much more obvious can i make it to you that

Im not like your last girl..

Im far from being a hurtful partner

All i wanna do is treat you like royalty

Sooner or later imma give up on waiting on you

I cant wait forever for you to be sure

to be sure or not if you can handle me or a relationship

i got my whole life ahead of me, that i wanna share with you

I want u to be apart of my masterpiece

But your makin it so hard for me to sit around

I dont wanna get to comfortable in this friendship

Because sooner or later,we will

be too COMFORTABLE..

make up your mind baby. i got a lil bit of time

To wait for you..I wanna be your Forever..but

I simply wont wait FOREVER

beating heart

Somedays seem really long, somedays feel really short, somedays make sense, and somedays make no damn sense at all.i know this is just life, but lately ive been noticein that these days seem to make a pattern for themselves,I know sometimes im a lil too observent but when it comes to life i dun wanna miss a single heart beat, every heartbeat and foot step in my life, i always try to fill with creative words, funny jokes,serius conversations, lots of laughs and then some.I try my best to keep up cause your heart is forever beating......

What Inspires You

I have this urge to explode, but if i explode it will be all types of diffrent colors and alll types of diffrent lyrics and words and ideas..and in my head i can see all these diffrent things splattered on the wall. I got this creative juice flowing through my body and i dont knoe what to do with all this energy its given me.What do i do?? Do i sing about it, write about it, paint about it. do i start plotting something.Im sittiin here in the dark with my favorite song playing and, All the sudden i just started typeing, i dunno where to take this blog but i guess u can continue this walk with me and hopefully it all makes sense to you. I started feeling super motivated at about 5 a.m i rolled over and looked out my window and i saw rainy clouds a covered moon and all i heard was rain and crickets singin and my fan blowin.This was the most peaceful moment of my day and i tried my best to make some type of poem or song to flow with the rythm of the rain and crickets the fan, but i couldnt quit make it out. All i felt at the moment was peace so i decided not to rack my brain so early in that peaceful morning. When i walked outta the house this morning it was cold and rainy but somethin about the air smelled beautiful.it smelled like roses and other types of flowers in the area, normally it smells werid outside but not this morning everything was calm and movin along with the pace of the rain.I normally blast my music on my way to work but not this morning, i kept it on low and just enjoyed the sound of the rain and the cars around me.I can say ive had two peaceful moments in my morning with little help from me. When i was walking into my salon this morning i was noticein alot of diffrent colors on the pavement.It looked so pretty with all the purples and greens and blues.I lifted my shades to make sure i was just seein things and i wasnt...the ground and its many puddles created its own rainbow...I knoe the ground was reflectin light from the sky but just the sense of the rainbow bein near my feet was beautiful in its own way. Today has been a beautiful day that i just had to share because its part of the reason why Im flooded with creative things, everything ive seen today was beautiful in its own seperate way, So when i can home i was so inspired by everthing ive seen that ive had to write about it and share it with all of you. So before i go i want you all to tell me what inspires you?? what makes u tic?? What put you at ease?? Whatever it is figure it out because if your not inspired by something.....Your not living

Everything

I wanna feel you body next to mine everyday and every night I wanna feel your lips kissing me down my neck to the bottom of my spine. I wanna feel you in me and on every inch of my body

I knew u were for me when we first met

The smell of your skin the feel of your hands..ooh my god nothings ever felt so right

When you speak to me i get chills,when you grab my waist and pull me close i freeze

I look into your eyes and I'm completely lost, i cant move i cant speak, I'm beyond the feeling of being weak.

I love that when i walk away from you i can feel your eyes watching me and and my every move

When you say my name, i just cant help myself i smile extra hard and blush harder then ever.

With you I'm free to be me

With me your free to be you

That makes you one in a million,

A star that's never had a chance to shine until now

A shiny new penny that never made it to any ones pocket till now

Baby your the one for me and if you stay with me i promise you

Ill make you my one and only EVERYTHING!!!

Self Confusion

I sit here and i try to figure out a lot of things but then one thing that's killing me is how i always manage to confuse my self when it comes to my love life. My love life goes up and down.I have a person that i actually truthfully have serious feelings for but I never pay any attention to them.I like them so much but i would never tell them that.I will tell them that i miss them and that Ive been thinking about them but i never address my true feelings.So besides that one person there is another person that i am only attracted to sexually, but there is one issue that stops me every time.I know this is my blog and i should be truthful but that one issue i cant exactly say on here.I love there attention, their body, their personality, they are so soft. But I am always pushing them away from me.

Now on the other hand there's another person that i started to fall in love with then they just up and left,because we were always fighting, she was such a sweetheart, but here jealousy was way to much for me.And the last and final person that i liked turned to my best friend...if that doesn't cross every line in the book then i don't know what that is.But the other problem with them is the fact that they contradicted everything they said to me.we agreed to just be friends but however their words said other words.

Like I said i always mange confuse myself when it comes to my love life, because the people that i come across are sometimes to perfect for me, got their own garbage going on, or they are just disrespectful.I don't know what I'm going to do with my love life right now but I think that I'm going to let it go through these crazy phases until something good and something that's gonna last forever!!!

Physical n Mental

Im not sure what exactly has happened in my life but i went the worst bad streak... i cant tell you all how much ive been through in one month, but i had the best support system and so here i am still standing. I honestly am the type of person that craves money uncontrolably, i cant help it its like a drug.i have to have it .I dun function well with out it at all....No one can live with out money but...I honestl itch wit out it and im grumpy, i lose intrest, i lose interest in everything around me.Soo what im thinkin is maybe is it possible to have a mental and physical addiction to money....??? Think about it

Gay Rights Campaign

Im proud to say that im finally doing something that is active in the gay community.I got a job doin a gay rights Campaign.Allow me to tell you all why. For years the LBGT community has struggled for equality, Granted we have had a few victories in the past yers or so.We still have a long fight to put up. And for years i have been a gay activist quietly on my own, but now i feel that its time to stand up and speak out loud to make a diffrence.I want people to notice that LGBT commuinty is just a label of sexual orientation.We are all human who just have diffrent prefences,just because men like men and woman like woman, doesnt mean that we dont all want the same dreams for life.Like marriage children, houses, homes, joint accounts.We want everything that the heterosexual community wants.Sometimes it feels like the LBGT commuinty is treated like they deserve all types of diffrent rules which isnt right or true at all.But any ways on that note i just wanted to share my thoughts on my new job and why i took it.Im proud of my commuinty and now im happy to stand up for my BELIFES!!

Trying

We have all tried for somethin 100x and still never really got the outcome we wanted,But the thing is the more u try for somethin sooner or later what i really want will happen before u knoe it.Thats just one way to look at it,The other is to stop tryin and to let everythin happen on its own.I live by this option, but i cant help but to notice that some things just need a lil push.Just a little one not very much.Think about it and comment which ever u wanna do

Where I wanna be

The thing is, I knoe where i wanna be, i knoe what i wanna do.The issue is followin through when im havin so much fun doin what im doin now.Im all for change but i honestly wish things ould change with a snap of a fingure and not take its sweet ass time.Where i wanna be is with this person that makes me feel like a special person and that there is more to me then what i see.They make me feel like a whole diffrent person.When ever i see them my heart melts and i feel like i cant move.When they hold me im happy they do cause sometimes i feel like i might fall over.In their heart is where is wanna be,A part of their soul is what i wanna,Ans to be able to dig deep down into there mind is what i wish i could do!! Im afraid of relationships i really am but i think im really open to this one....specially since were taken it one day at a time.I just need to be happy and thats apart of my lifetime goal!!!

From that Moment

So many tell u that notin will change between you.but u notice from the moment they say that comment, everything changes....Ur thoughts, ur mood, the way u look at the person.Maybe its jsut me but thats the way i see it.its just that alot of people have said that mess to me and everything CHANGES

Daydreamin 1

I close my eyes and count to three...and suddenly i see the sky and i see the stars, even jupitar, and even mars.And this is paradise to me.I count to three again and i close my eyes,i take a few deep breaths,and i start walkin on clouds, and suddenly i fall into a hole that brings me back to reality.....damnn

Random thought

Somedays when you wake up u may feel really low...U you may feel like theres really no purpose in gettin up and doin the things that you do...but however, the best thing for you to do is just quickly learn to recognize this feelin, and get rid of it. Life is to short to be in a bad mood most the time. Stay focused and stay positive..thats the best u can do

..Your mask

Your mask coulda fooled me
ur voice was so welcoming
ur words sounded so truthful
but ended up so hurtful....
Ur lies sounded so truthful
and i swear that ur mask got better and better with every word u spoke...
When u look in my eyes i saw past ur disguise but was so in love
i refused to believe that ur love was made to rip and tear me open like a glove
I dun like to mention that i had to beg for ur attention and i had to ask for ur affection
Ur world was important to you so where did i fit in
in the begining u had me fooled
U made it seem like u had it goin for u
but it wasnt to long before promises were broken
tears were bein shed and i started to feel like i was ur lucky token....
I was suppose to be ur lover ur future and the person that u were suppose
to reach ur goals with..
What happend
ooh i knoe now u took of ur mask
and allowed ur flaws to show completly
ur anger was hurtful and ur lies became sloppy
U sent me on a rollercoaster that took
me forever to stop..no matter how hard i yelled
and how hard i cried it just wouldnt stop...
I had to open my eyes and reach deep down inside to tell u
to let me go..I need the strenght to let u go
and so i did...I woke up the next morning and that dark
cloud that hung over my head looked at me with such anger and it slowly floated away
the storm calmed down the rained stopped and the sun came..I came outta my whole and i looked down
and in my hand was ur mask..i dunno what im suppose to do with it and
i dun care but all i knoe is..its no apart of my luggage that i carry in my heart
a huge lesson learned that i simply cant ever....forget.

Welcome Dolls

This is my new blogger since i lost and couldnt find my thought of the night page password..sux but all well ill figure it out and get that up and runnin soon.i jsut wanted to say welcome and cant wait to get this blog thing goin again..im tryin to post as much as possible because this just might be a crazy journey for me and i want u all to follow me along with it all..So what do ya say???? lol anywho onto some real posts !!! <3